Not only are we desirable....

...like Britta discussed but we are future MILFs.

Mom shorts are so hot right now.

Today's realization: I freakin LOVE my job

It's not really a realization because I think I knew before but as I was driving home today I thought about it. I just fit in SO well...mainly because I'm still in middle school in my heart. I get so excited about end of the year things like yearbook signing. I doubt any other teacher enjoys reading what kids write in her yearbook as much as I do(if they even let the kids sign it!). I may have even mistakenly written a naughty word in some kid's yearbook. Don't worry, I whited it out and wrote something else.

So the car ride home realization was at approximately 4:28:22 PM today. Then, at 8:57:00 PM, my phone rings showing an unfamiliar 219 phone number. I picked up(It could have been a hottie replying to my craigslist ad after all). It was the principal of a middle school around here(No, not Morgan. If that had been the case, my response to his question would have been different). Anyway, this guy wanted to know if I wanted to interview for a Math position at his school. 0.2 seconds after he started talking(yup, that was just enough time for him to get his name out and me to realize what the call was about) I knew my answer was a no. If that lickety-split decision's not a sign I love my job, I don't know what is.

I can hear the bells

The wedding bells.

I'm having a cowboy-indian themed wedding next summer.

Yup, the bridal party and all my guests will be Indians(Native Americans, if you please) while the groomsmen and the hubby's guests will be Cowboys.

I've received positive feedback from many already.

Jennie: I am going to wear pig tails and paint on my face. My mom is pumped.
Lynn(her mom): I'm wearing a feather in my hair. Ed will be the big chief with no shoes and a leather flap.
Ed: Tonto shall be my name

Ok, so by many I mean Matt's family. Anyway, I decided that I would definitely need to put "your butt and private parts must be fully covered" on the invitation. That would eliminate the possibility of Jeff showing up in assless chaps.

Well, that was short and random but I must get back to googling deerskin wedding dresses!

I take it back...well, some of it at least

We saw Indiana Jones last night at the Valpo theater. I know I swore I wouldn't go there again but this time was better. It still smelled like poop or something right when walking into the theater but there were no hysteric teens in front of me. There was, however, someone with his cell phone open(texting or checking sports updates?) during the movie. You know who you are. RUDE.

On to the movie, it was good. Because of it, I had the Indiana Jones theme song stuck in my head as I got ready this morning. It made me feel like quite the hero...like I could take on anything today...especially the task of signing yearbooks for the kids. What do you write in a yearbook of a student you hate..ahem..strongly dislike? "Have a good summer" is pretty bland. Sigh. So I ended up lying on a few. Meh. They won't know the difference.

Anyway, back to the movie. Shia Labeouf's appearance was rather disappointing. He was downright H-O-T-T, hot in Transformers and Disturbia but as Indiana Jones's kid....well, you can be the judge.
His hair was just too frizzy or something. Gosh. It was disgusting. Guys, bad hair can RUIN you. Be careful.

Well, I just took Tylenol Cold Night Time for the third time today. Yup, I took it before school and that resulted in a drool-filled power nap during my prep. I did think ahead and napped at a student desk so as not to get slobber on my computer or papers that needed grading. I'm so smart. But, yes, this medicine is kicking in and I must retreat to my tightly tucked in sheets. I can barely move.

Before I go, I will leave you with an encounter I had at Portillo's today.(Yes, I ate alone. At a booth. I'm Miss Independent)

Me(standing with my straw and two napkins waiting for my order to be called)
Dark Chocolate employee(smiles): How are you doing today?
Me: Good, good. Thanks
DCE: What's your number?
Me(feeling hot): 650-MEG1
DCE: I meant your order number.
Me: Oh, 122.
DCE: Let me go see if I can find it!
He finds it.
Me: So you found it?(duh!) Thanks!

Ok, so I really just said "excuse me" instead of listing my phone number but that's not as good of a story, is it?

I'm off to check Craigslist before bed to see if someone in the Missed Connections is looking for the M-ville Portillo's Order 122 Girl...

WHY WHY WHY

Why must American Idol contestants sing I Don't Want to Miss a Thing?

This is at least the second year that someone has sung it. Yeah, I know this week it was the producers' choice for David Cook but still...

WHY WHY WHY.

Leave my beloved Aerosmith alone! Darn it!

And, no, as much as I love Aerosmith, I do not really like the song that much(or at all). I mean there was a time in my life that I sang it like I meant it or like how I wanted some charmer(Most likely Steven Tyler or Ben Affleck-I was a conflicted teen) to sing it to me but that time was 1998. Ten years later and I cringe when I hear it. Especially when YOU sing it, David "Cock Boy" Cook. (Cheri meant to describe him as a cocky guy but "Cock Boy" came out and that's a lot funnier.)

Britta, my love

I had a visitor last night who requested that I take this picture and send it to you...

He's singing Happy Birthday to YOU.

And, yes, folks, he remembered the lyrics.

Dear Britta,

Thanks for voting even though I effed up.


<3,
Jay

P.S. Dreads or no dreads? Which do you prefer?

The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master

I just read on Esquire.com a list of skills that men should have. Let me highlight(in no particular order) the skills I think are MOST important.

Hold a baby. Having this skill makes any women swoon. That's a promise.

Tie a bow tie. I didn't see "Tie a regular tie" on there. That's probably a skill one would want to have as well. It's even a skill I'd like to master.

Make a bed. Hospital corners, please.

Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once). I think this is a must-learn skill for women, too. On that note, this is the summer I learn to change a flat tire. I've been meaning to master the skill for about 7 years now. I absolutely hate knowing that if my tire ever goes kerplunk, I will have to sit there and twiddle my thumbs until my dad or AAA comes to my rescue.

Shuffle a deck of cards. My man best know how to do that bridge thing after shuffling, too. If my grandma taught it to me, yours should have taught you.

Calculate square footage. It's length times width, fyi. Please remember/relearn how to add, subtract, multiply and divide fractions, too. I want you to be able to help me grade my students' homework...and I want you to be not stupid.

So, you know how I said these were in no particular order? Well, they aren't. Except for this last one. It is la mas importante skill:

COOK BACON.

I was surprised this was on the list but I wholeheartedly agree. The way to my heart is definitely through my bacon-craving stomach. (That reminds me I would have added Spell definitely correctly to the list of skills had Esquire asked my opinion.)

I am not impressed!

The new Cinemark movie theater in Valpo is CRAP. Let me tell you why...

1. It's too darn small. There is like hardly any room to stand in line to buy your ticket(not that it was crowded when we were there but when it gets crowded...yuck)

2. It smelled like burnt popcorn when we walked in.

3. It smelled like horse/pig poop as we walked down the hall to the theater. It also smelled like poop in the theater. Matt said it was fresh paint...on the carpetlike walls? I think not.

4. We arrived 25 minutes early for the movie and had to sit in the front section. In the back row of it but still. You had all that space east of 49 and you made a movie theater that fits about 108 people in one theater? For a movie(Made of Honor) that JUST opened TODAY?

5. Aren't movie theaters supposed to be freezing? I was sweating my non-existies off.

6. They came over the loud speaker DURING the movie to tell us there was a severe weather warning. DURING the movie. Did they replay the part of the movie it interrupted? Nope! People, we aren't going to leave for another 45 minutes when the movie is OVER. So, if the warning is still in effect as we leave then we might care about the announcement.

7. The above announcement sent the 11 year olds in front of us into hysterics. One of them was in tears. Like hardcore tears. Hyper-ventilating. Honey, we're INSIDE. Apparently, she was not be comforted by Patrick Dempsey's blue eyes or his amazing dark hair and felt the need(along with her posse) to keep getting up to cry in the hall and then call her parents(I guess) INSIDE the theater. Oh, stupid girl, did you know that others were trying to watch a movie? No? Did you get the picture when Matt went SSSSSSSHHHHHHH loudly? You're lucky he did that because what was going to come out of my mouth in 2.4 seconds was going to be a bit more vulgar. And, if you didn't understand the "bj" joke in the movie, I'm pretty sure you would not have understood the choice words in my vocabulary.

Side note: Matt went to the bathroom while the girls were freaking out in the hall and I guess he attempted to calm them down. He said "There are a lot of adults here. If they start panicking, then there is something wrong. Otherwise, get in the damn theater and stop pissing off my friend." Ok, maybe he didn't say that last part...

Anyway, in conclusion, I am never going to the Porter's Vale Cinemark again. I much prefer my Portage 16 movie experience. Yup, even with the 20 minute drive.